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Tuesday, 26 May 2020

... And The Shape of My Body

As, perhaps, a second part to my prior post - I wanted to expand on the way in which society reacts to the female form. 

I would regard myself as a fairly early bloomer. My chest began developing in the late parts of primary school, and from there my growth only escalated. It had been something that I had always been hugely uncomfortable with. A side effect of being the early bloomer amongst your friends comes in the form of an unspoken embarrassment of feeling like a larger, more clumsy version of them. For me, at least, I hated the accumulation of feelings that made me envision myself as a whale in comparison to their dainty frames. 

And it just would not stop. I can remember being so overwhelmingly conscious of my figure - in particular, my chest - even in the beginning of secondary school. I would hide myself in shapeless jumpers and tops that had high necklines, regardless of whether I liked the clothes or not. I didn't want anyone to become aware of the fact that my chest was growing. Despite it being a completely uncontrollable entity, I was ashamed of what it would make others think.

At that age, we were still imbued with childish naivety which caused us to associate revealing clothes with promiscuity, and promiscuity with loose morals. I felt that I could only 'get away' with showing the tiniest bit of cleavage when I became older, when a miraculous veil was uplifted - indicating that showing my body for what it was, was okay again. 

Through those years, I became more confident with my body. There was still a bundled loathing directed towards my chest, yet I felt more comfortable with wearing a dress without tights and wearing tops that would go off of my shoulder. Yet ultimately, I still felt restricted in what I could wear. I still refrained from showcasing my chest to any degree, and I would google different ways of making the upper part of my body less prominent. 

There comes a relief in saying that I have passed those days. Whilst there is still the occasional hesitance to wear tops that may be deemed as too revealing, I now feel confident in wearing (mostly) whatever it is that I desire. 

If I think about why, I cannot help but feel my heart tinge slightly. When I was younger, I felt the need to hide my shape from anyone and everyone. I would cover myself to such overwhelming degrees, even if the heat outside was sweltering. All because I didn't want to be overtly sexualised for things which I was never able to control.

There was a time in school, a few months ago - even at my age of seventeen - where I was reprimanded for my choice of clothing. It had been my birthday and I was wearing this pretty lilac wrap top to school. It adhered to the school's uniform policy, and I had tied it in a way that it wasn't even remotely revealing. I had seen other girls at school get away with wearing things that showed off more. Yet, whilst walking past a senior member of school I was told that it was 'too revealing' and that I shouldn't wear it again. I was hugely mortified. The top hadn't shown any cleavage, unlike certain tops I had seen other girls wear, yet because of my larger bust I was instantly sexualised and put down for my choice of clothing. I understand that we should respect the regulatory school uniform policies, yet with the female form being so diverse, I would expect more sensitivity to be reflected in such rules and regulations. That entire day I felt uncomfortable and exposed, when I should have felt confident and secure in my body.

The sexualisation of young girls makes my mouth sour. Every time we tell a young girl that they need to 'cover up', we feed into the idea that being comfortable in their bodies is a liberty that they have not been given yet. We feed into the idea that showing one's body is something we should be ashamed of. And we feed into the idea that the minute a girl enters puberty, her body becomes an object that others can freely sexualise. We are effectively rejecting the basic principle of autonomy. 

A lot of people may argue that younger girls don't need to show 'so much' of themselves. That they are at a tender age where it is unnecessary for them to be wearing clothes that one my regard as exposing. Yet, this merely causes me to question why young boys aren't told the very same thing. 

I'll tell you why. It is because we attach something inherently sexual to the very core of the female form. We are unable to view it for what it is. There is an overt need to view it as a sexual commodity rather than for its biology. 

The implications of this leads to a heightened spread of rape culture and victim blaming. The female body is viewed as an entity that can't help but allure the attentions of predatory males and as a result, women are expected to assume the responsibility to cover themselves ( as to not accentuate their inherent sexuality further ) rather than men being expected to educate themselves on both consent and the damning nature of sexual objectivation. 

There is an apparent need for a radical shift in the way that we view the female anatomy. Without such change, the female body will remain as something that is viewed merely for sexual gratification, and that is something that I find - as I am sure that you will, too - hugely difficult to stomach. 


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