A Journey of Learning to Let Friends Go

I thought that, by the age of 17, I would know who my friends were. In fact, even before my 17th birthday, I thought I already knew them. I have never been accustomed to change and that is something I always knew I would have to get over. But in all honesty, I thought I had time. So when school started in September last year, and every friendship I had ever known was dramatically altered - I felt I was left flailing.

I suppose I've always been more on the optimistic side, when it comes to friendships. A lot of people I know have already made peace with the fact that the people they hold close to their hearts in this very moment, will change in the coming years. That's something I have found myself slowly processing lately, but even then I have this unwavering hope that I have still caught on to a few good ones that will be my friends for life.

It's just strange to me. How can people fathom a life that doesn't contain any of the people they currently love so dearly ? How are people okay with that? Not to mention the 'Q' word again (quarantine), but these few weeks have been so testing. I went from already having a shortened list of close friends, to having that number itself being cut down. When does this end ? When will I be left with the people that will really stay? Part of me feels that i'll never really have that.

This isn't a unique problem or worry. I know that. But it's one of those feelings that even though you are hyperaware that it is universal - it will never ever feel like it is. Feeling like you have no one is so unbelievably isolating.

On the good days, I know that I have a really wonderful group of people. Ones that I can facetime with zero makeup on and hair that looks like a bird flew through it. Yet, on the bad days, I will think of a reason why every one of those friends aren't who they say they are. Or why they secretly find me boring. Or annoying to talk to. A chore to keep in contact with. It is crazy. My mind is an enigma to even myself and has always been one to enjoy keeping me on my toes. Has always been one to ruin every moment before anyone else can.

In the past year, I have gone from having a core group of friends to having my close friends scattered. Those who know me will know this little speech as well as I do, yet I feel I must repeat it to fully convey what this change makes me feel. It is like going from having all your support and love concentrated in one central part in your life, to suddenly having it dispersed. Scattered.

I went from never caring where I 'ranked' on peoples' close friends lists to suddenly being obsessively aware of all the people above me. Personally, I have never taken to having a full on list that ranks people I am close with. I feel, for me (and a lot of other people too) , my friendships sort of range in levels/ bands of people. There is no 'one supreme friend'. And since I had always had a group of friends with the same level of closeness, that had never been a problem.

The biggest heartache that I have felt this year is growing apart from someone who genuinely felt like a sister to me. In every way. She was someone who had been so close to me since we were 12. I would tell her everything, and I remember the endless visits to her house where we'd have our staple diet of Subway sandwiches and watch movies, sprawled across her living room floor. I remember the embarrassing videos that we would film, and the deep/ probing conversations that we would have on the train journey home. If I was ever to have a number one best friend - at that time, it would have been her.

And then Year 12 started. She pulled away from our already fractured group and maybe I could have made peace with that if I didn't feel as if she was pulling away from me too. I tried. Tried to keep the conversations going. She started getting the train at different times (albeit that was because of her convenience, and I understand that. Just meant I didn't see her as much) and there were a new group of people that she called her own. And yes, we still talk. And yes, I still love her to bits but something has changed.

The crushing part is, I don't even know what or why it did. Writing this makes me feel heavy. Though she's still in my life, I feel upset and frustrated that she's not in it in the way that she used to be. I have made endless attempts to get her to open up, or to get an explanation as to why. If I think about it long enough, I become irrational and start blaming myself for not being more funny or witty.

I think that we always have a bond that ties us to our first real 'best friend'. Having moved schools throughout the entirety of my primary school years, I had never really had that one close friend to hold on to for so long. So I think that this girl was the very first person who filled that role for me, even if I wasn't actively aware of it at the time. I mean, we effectively grew up together. You don't spend so much time with someone from ages 11 to 16/17 without forming a bond.

And by acknowledging this. By acknowledging that despite things changing, she's still a friend that I can turn to. I think that I am ready to start letting go. In all honesty, I thought that I had started that process months ago. Mainly because out of anger and frustration I had declared I would never ever let myself trust her again. Because I felt she had let me down. She hadn't. She had just grown up. Changed. And it was me that needed to accept and do that too. She'll always take up a core part of my secondary school experience. I'll always have the memories, and I guess she will too.

I may have lost having her in my life in the way that I used to, but I have to acknowledge the fact that I have also gained people who have filled any gaping holes that were left as a result of any losses or reshuffling. As we grow, we change. And so do the people around us. That means people can grow apart. Yet, it also means that sometimes, you'll find a way to grow back together.

I'm making it my goal to sit back and let nature take it's course in the realm of friendships. I am trying to not think of all the people that I might lose, but instead of all the people that I am going to gain. And, when even that gets a bit too much - I stop thinking of that at all, and just try to focus and appreciate the people that I have right now. Because I have some pretty amazing people to go to (the kind that make cute Pinterest aesthetic boards for you) , even if I sometimes doubt it.

Why I've Consistently Failed to Re-Invent Myself

Being in the midst of a global pandemic leaves one with an endless amount of time to mull over everything they want to change in their life. There seems to be a relentless amount of pressure to use this time 'productively'. And by that, people mean that this time should be used to exercise - get into shape. To learn a new skill, like cooking. To get on top of work and find time to do things that you've always wanted to do. I'm hearing this phrase (and ashamedly using it a little too often, myself) 'I need to get my life together', and I figured that I just need to stop. I need to slow down. We all do.

Throughout the course of first starting this blog (when I was 11) to now (with me being 17), I feel this blog serves as a written archive that could probably be used to piece together the many different attempts I made to 're-invent' myself. Whether it was the initial attempt to be 'quirky' with my awkward, embarrassing family (who god forbid took one selfie and made me so unbelievably mortified that I just had to make an entire blogpost on the trauma of having a family member know how to suitably work a phone)  or my multiple shots at trying to be a beauty guru - and dramatically failing because you just can't give makeup tutorials in a written format.

Not to sound like an absolute cliché, but if there was a prize for the biggest tally of embarrassing phases - I would probably come first. And second. And third. It seemed that every year of school would bring about another urge to shed my former layers and force myself to blossom into the likes of a beautiful swan, and yet every year I would painfully fail.

It seemed as though everyone around me was gradually growing into themselves, and becoming more beautiful, passionate and unique - and I felt so unbelievably plain in comparison. And for a while, I really wanted to change that.

I tried different hairstyles (which has lead me to realise that I will most definitely never be able to suit a fringe), had multiple wardrobe clear outs, started wearing contact lenses, started wearing mascara (and later concealer) to school.

Now don't get me wrong. I think it is great for people to wear/ do what makes them feel happy and more confident and if wearing makeup/ contact lenses does that for you (in the same way that not wearing makeup/ contact lenses might do for others) then you should wholeheartedly do what makes you more comfortable with who you are.

I guess my issue arises with my own personal reasons for initially doing all of those things. I was trying to re-invent myself into what other people would find pretty. I wasn't - at the start - doing it for myself. In regards to who I am as a person, I feel grateful and relieved that I've never felt the need to change or adapt depending on whoever I am with. Whether you're the beacon of 'cool' or my best friend, I would like to think that the core of who I am doesn't change, and I have never felt the pressure to do so either. Yet, it seemed with appearance I was at pains to gain the acceptance and approval of everyone - hence the many attempts to change how I looked and trying to fit into an 'aesthetic'. And honestly, I still couldn't tell you why. It baffles me that I can feel so secure with who I am as a person (mostly) yet be at the mercy of other people with everything else.

Maybe I am a subconscious perfectionist. Maybe that's why it hurt when no one singled me out as being one of the 'pretty ones' in school because ,to me, that seemed to be a flaw. And maybe, that's why I tried really hard to change how I looked, so one day people would go 'hey, she's pretty' and I could feel that I wasn't lacking anywhere anymore.

Just writing that out makes me feel so astounded with myself and how fractured my belief system was. Is (at times). The logical part of my brain knows better now. Only I can determine the value of myself and I know that once I master the art of keeping my self-worth unchangeable to any words other than my own, then I will feel liberated.

You see, the reason I constantly failed to re-invent myself was because I was looking at other people to set the benchmark. Not myself. You can't re-invent yourself to be somebody else. Reinventing oneself shouldn't be done to change the essence of who you are. It should be to expand yourself. To grow as an individual and blossom into a world where you are entirely your own. Part of it includes learning how to find the right concealer to match your skin tone, but the rest is so much more than that.

So, back to the lockdown. A lot of people will see this time as an opportunity to change themselves and come back as a new person. You don't have to follow. Use this time in whatever way you feel is best for you. If that is throwing yourself into a jampacked routine to alter the nature of your life and rejuvenate all elements of your soul, then do it. But if you'd rather sleep, relax and really explore the depths of who you are as an individual and focus on your internal/spiritual growth, then that is perfectly okay too.

A One Year Anniversary

Hello everyone,

Today I watched a Hindi film called ‘The Sky is Pink’ , it’s based on a true story and follows a family dealing with illness. It was so beautifully raw and captivating. To think of what that family has had to endure made my heart squeeze. I suppose it also got me thinking about my own experiences with illness within my family. I feel so fortunate to have all of my immediate family with me still. Though there are moments when I think of how different my life could have been if even the smallest events hadn’t occurred. If I think about when my mother first found a lump in her breast, I’m overwhelmed with this chilling emotion and realisation that we got lucky. And I know that sounds bizarre. How could we possibly be lucky ? But if I think about the events leading up

to that, how she’d just finished her contract for her temporary job so she had more time to lounge around in the morning, how that one morning her fingers just happened to brush against a part of her that wasn’t usually there … I know now that had that not happened, my mother would have died in less than a year. 

And then I think about where my family and I were, this time last year. Last Saturday marks one year since my mother received her second diagnosis. And yet I’m still pushed into thinking at how lucky we were to have caught it so early. Had her check up been a week earlier, the tumour wouldn’t have been picked up & I would be feeling something very different today. As this year has progressed, I have become familiar with something I had long hoped I’d never have to know again. I’ve learned more about what my mother had to go through the first time. At 10 years old I was completely unaware of the relentless hospital visits and risks to my mother’s life. She tells me the stories every now and then. And every time I feel my stomach churn. How she was rushed to hospital in a critical condition merely hours after her own father’s death …  the profound effects the entire ordeal had on her mental health for years afterwards ... the effects that I was - and arguably still am - so painfully unaware of. 

If I think too much about it all, I feel heavy. Sort of like how I do right now. Even though my family have passed through arguably the most challenging parts of our lives, I can see the everlasting effects that cancer has had on all of us. My dad was unable to treat cancer patients for a year after my mum’s first diagnosis. My sister, now more familiar with it since earlier this year, goes quiet every time it’s mentioned. I guess even I do. I hate hearing the word when it’s not being said by me, which I know sounds so weird. It’s almost as if, when I say it , I feel in control over my emotions - I know that it’s coming. When it’s said by someone else, to raise awareness, or in a film, or even flippantly like ‘oh don’t drink from the same plastic bottle, you’ll get cancer’. I just feel this shudder and a chill. Sometimes I feel an irrational sense of anger, that people have the power to say something so life changing and pivotal , without even batting an eyelid. 

 I’m not sure what the purpose of this was. I’m not sure if I’ll even share it. I think writing this served as a cathartic experience. The effects of illness in a family are something that linger even when everything seems normal. I often think people forget that. After my mother was cleared I felt this sudden shift, almost as if no one - apart from my family - regarded it as a problem anymore. And I guess it wasn’t. She’s healthy now, that’s all we ever wanted. But I still feel that there’s a lot of me that hasn’t said what I’ve always wanted to say. But that’s okay, I understand that. These things are such taboo topics and things that are so understandably difficult to talk about. I never want to make anyone uncomfortable by forcing them into talking about it, and so I think that’s why I never asked.

 Watching the film today truly spurred my most evaluative thoughts. I’m so grateful that my mum is still here. I’ll be the first to admit that the relationship with my parents needs a LOT of work. We have an unhealthy abundance of arguments, but it’s moments like this - when my mind replays everything we’ve experienced together, that I think of how lucky we’ve been. And I get reminded of what all I have to fight for. I know I’m not special. So many people endure what we had to go through and much worse. I don’t regard myself as particularly strong either - that’s all on my mum, she was the fighter. But I do think that I got to learn a lot about myself during both times & how I’ve grown in between them. So I guess I’ll end this here. It’s still so weird to think that this time last year, I was lying in my bed with tears streaming down my face - staring at the ceiling , just completely and utterly dreading 2019. And here we are. Having gone through what I thought would be my worst year, and being ready for the next decade of my life. I’m hopeful. 

Online Shopping vs. Traditional Shopping

Hey everyone,

So today's post is for those of you who may be having the natural debate to have (in this day and age) about whether to switch to the pleasant, non-judgemental ways of online shopping. Where you don't have to find the will to get dressed and ready for walking around a crowded shopping centre - or go out and try on all the wonderful clothes, maybe make it a day trip - and have lunch in some fancy restaurant (or Mcdonalds).

I love shopping in general, so sit back and enjoy one excited shopaholic jabber on about the different ways you can snag a super, amazing deal.

A few years back, I first started shopping online. Not for clothes, but for Taylor Swift merch (which is still a thing I save up for). I'd scour eBay and Amazon for those rare bargains and then pester my parents to let me buy it (with my own pocket money, may I add) . Yet, that was where my adventures into the world of online retail ended.

I think last year (so yes, still fairly recent), I was idly surfing clothing websites - as I often do, usually to find something I like, screenshot it and then try it on in the store, to make my final decision. This time it was ASOS - which, for those of you who don't know- is an online shopping company. Therefore there weren't any physical stores. Whilst looking through the website, having already decided that I wouldn't be swayed to buy anything because that was too risky (not because of the website/company - but because i'd heard that online shopping for clothes wasn't the best idea), I found the most beautiful collared smock dress (read my post raving about smock dresses here ) and I decided to go for it.

And this wasn't a blind decision. I reasoned with myself and figured that since it was designed to be a loose fitting smock dress - I couldn't really go wrong with it. Especially since I was already a fan of this style of dress.

And I was right. It was a beautiful dress, and I have worn it since.

Saying this, it was a relatively risky choice and whilst ASOS does do returns, it is alot of effort to undergo for one dress. So here are a few tips regarding online shopping before I go into my comparison of the two styles of shopping :

#1 : Make sure it's a trusted site. Read reviews, watch videos etc. Online shops that have physical stores are generally trustworthy (i.e H&M , Topshop *I have bought from these, and the experience was very smooth*). Shops like ASOS and Pretty Little Thing are also good. However smaller stores like Romwe and Shein are ones to be careful about. Ensure that you do your research.

#2 : Know your measurements as well as sizes from a variety of different shops. ASOS do a size match to help you find the most suitable size for you, so it really helps to have as much information as you can to ensure you're getting your perfect fit. However, if in doubt either don't get the clothing item or (if you're desperate for it) go for the size above. Better too much than too little as you can always get it tailored.

#3 : Try to avoid buying clothing items in a certain style that you haven't tried before. Whilst I will always encourage you to go outside your comfort zone with clothes and expand your style, try stay clear from doing this on an online platfrom. It's much safer to go for these things in store where you can see if you like it or not before you buy it.

And finally, a comparison - and my final opinion. I personally prefer traditional shopping. Don't get me wrong, online shopping is great and I love the feeling of having a wonderful package waiting at home for you, but I would only ever do it with things like T-shirts, skirts or loose fitting dresses due to the fact that you can never 100% gurantee that it will fit. I like that with traditional shopping I can see how the item looks on me, before I make my decision and also make it into a fun outing with friends.

Saying that, you can shop online in the comforts of your own home but that choice is all up to you and how well you know your size and what suits you.

I hope this post was helpful, and i'll see you soon with another post!

-The Blogtique xx

Contact Lenses : Experience & Tips

Hey guys,

So I recently uploaded a post on how I progessively gained confidence with my glasses. The post was written a while back. but I found it in my drafts and I couldn't let it go to waste, as I know how much a post like that would've helped when I was coming to terms with that new change.

However, I am now a daily user of contacts and I wanted to do a post where I could gush about how much I love them and also share a few things i've learnt from wearing them and any tips I can give you if you're considering making the switch from frames to lenses.

My Experience
So, for starters... why did I make the switch? I decided to give contacts a go, because of how drastically my self-esteem  had plummeted during the time of me wearing glasses. I'm aware that there will be people who'll argue and say there are more pressing issues to discuss, and I totally agree - but that shouldn't discredit this internal battle I faced. In the future i'd like to come to write a post on beauty and society etc. but for now, we'll talk about this small fraction of it.

For someone who visibly cringed at the idea of touching an eye, and who swore (despite being told to wear glasses - not full time, yet) that they would never wear contacts, I think it's safe to say that I shocked most people when I decided I wanted to try contact lenses.

Alot of girls in my school had started wearing them, including a relatively good friend of mine. So I thought, if they can all do it - then so can I! And so I asked my parents.

They were skeptical at first, and it took awhile for my mum to book the intial appointment (until I resorted to nagging every day), but finally I was sat in the waiting room at our local Specsavers.

I was terrified. It was only at that moment had it dawned on my that I was about to touch my eyeball. MY EYEBALL. I'd practiced coming to terms with it, and i'd pretend I was putting a contact in whilst wearing glasses and keeping my eyes wide open, so I was familiar with a finger coming close to my eye. But suddenly all the peptalks i'd given myself since the appointment was booked had vanished.

Then my name was called out, and we went into the little consulting room. They'd taken my prescription prior to the appointment so the contacts had been delivered and the optician was taking them out of their packaging, when he told me this. He was going to put it in my eye. I'd been warned about this by my friend, but I had waved it off, thinking it had just been in their case. (NOTE : This isn't done in all opticians, but Specsavers does do this).

I awkwardly smiled, and then he started putting it in. Now, you see... my mind was relatively at ease but for some reason my eyes would not cooperate and after several tries the contact finally went in my eye. Then it was time for the other one. Ack.

I'm going to be honest and say that I did feel very faint and sick after, but the optician was very nice and got me a glass of water and I was fine in no time. This isn't a side affect of the contacts or anything, just that I am a person that's prone to fainting etc.

Initially, it felt like I had an eyelash stuck in my eye, but within a minute - that sensation was gone. I then began to notice everything felt a bit more three dimensional. That sounds weird, as we see in 3D anyway - but I think it's because with glasses, if you keep your head fixated in one place, but then move you eyes to look downwards or sideways - your glasses don't cover that part, so you can't see (unless you turn your whole head around).

Contacts, however are all around your pupil, so if you do move your eyes, and not your head - you can still see. Which is so amazing and got me incredibly excited.

They then checked to see if the contacts caused any negative effects on my eyes, and then sent me off to another optician who would teach me how to remove the contacts. For this bit, thankfully, I did myself.

The instructor talked me through it and then I gave it a few attempts. No one is expected to do it on their first try, and thankfully my instructor was incredibly patient. Once I managed to take my contacts out, I was taught how to put them back in (which, in my opinion, is much easier).

The instructor then gave me the all clear sign, and gave me my free trial contacts (the ones I had in my eye). If you do struggle with putting them in and out at first, they'll most likely re-schedule you for another training appointment before letting you have your free trial. Otherwise, you'll just be expected to return the following week for them to just check how you are finding them and to see whether they're causing any troubles etc.

On the first day of wearing my lenses (same day of the appointment), I was advised to only wear them for 5 hours, just so my eyes would slowly adjust to them. Then, as the days progressed, I could start extending the amount of time I wore them for.

Monthly or Daily?
So usually, the contacts they give you for your free trial will be monthly contacts. These are lenses that you change every month. There are also daily contacts, but these are changed every day. I use monthlys as they work out cheaper, and also are slightly thicker - so they're easier to put in and take out. Especially for beginners. Some say dailys are more comfortable, and whilst I haven't tried dailys myself, I personally find monthlys fine and super comfortable. You will feel them in your eye initially, but after the first few days, you won't feel a thing.

As with anything, there are pros and cons of these two types. With monthlys you have to take extra care with them, because if you accidentally tear one - you can't wear contacts until the month is over and you can wear your new ones. You also can't do spontaneous sleepovers, unless you carry your solution and contact case with you everywhere.

Dailys, however - as I mentioned earlier, are supposedly harder to deal with as they're quite fiddly.

At the end of the day, it depends on you, your routine, and how you plan to use your contact lenses. I'd recommend monthly contacts if you're planning on wearing contacts at the odd event etc. It works for everyday use as well (That's what I do), it's just that buying daily contacts is quite useless if you don't plan to wear them everyday. Dailys are probably best if you tend to lose things easily, as they don't require you looking after them, like monthly lenses do..

However, at the end of the day, these are just my personal recommendations. If they don't work for you, that's perfectly fine.


Info :
I'm now going to go over the basic rules for contacts that your optician will most likely tell you.

• Don't mix your solution and water together. Your solution is what cleans your contacts from anything it's collected whilst being in your eye (smoke particles from people smoking nearby etc). You don't want to mix these two liquids as it can cause eye infections as water is not germ free.
• Don't have showers/ baths with your contacts in. As mentioned before, water and solution aren't a good match. Well, neither are water and contacts. Water can cause your contacts to change shape/swell/stick to the eye. Saying that, there are times i've showered with contacts (if guests are coming later, and i'm too lazy to remove my lenses and then put them in again), however as long as you keep your eyes shut and strategically cleanse yourself, avoiding too much water contact with your face - you're good. Also, this doesn't really apply to rainwater - so don't fret if it starts to rain!
• Change your solution. If you have dailys, this shouldn't be a problem, but with monthlys it's important to constantly change your solution when you put them in their case etc. Keeping the same solution can cause infections. HOWEVER, don't wash your solution out with water (for reasons that you  now know!)
• Ensure the lense is the right way round. It's hard to explain without photos, but your optician will go through this with you. To keep it brief, you want you lense to be bowl shaped. If it appears slightly flat, then it's the wrong way round. If this detail goes over your head, you'll feel it anyway as the sensation won't be very nice and feel a bit like sand etc. 

I think those are the main things, but there may be things i've missed - but those are the key points when dealing with contact lenses. 

So for things i've sort of discovered along the way, I definitely find it useful- for when i'm taking my contacts out, to have prefilled my contact case with the solution, so I can pop the lense in straight away instead of hold it carefully whilst I fill the case.

Makeup wise, I prefer putting my lense in before I start applying my makeup. This is so I don't smudge anything. However, if you do this then be extra careful when putting on mascara as you don't want to get any product on your lense.

Sometimes if my contact does feel a bit odd in my eye, I close my eyes and shift them from side to side, before opening again. This usually stops the contact from feeling strange. If this doesn't work after a few tries, there is chance you've put your lense in wrong- which is fine, just remove it, put it back in the solution and then try again, ensuring it's the right way round this time.

Another thing i've noticed with contacts is that sometimes I can't focus on things. This happens rarely and isn't a huge problem, as usually if I look away and then look back then it would have adjusted back to normal. This is something my friends who where contacts also find, but don't worry- it's nothing huge!

Unless you're a pro, try keep your nails short. This just makes the whole process of removing your contacts less stressful and much easier.

Also, ensure you give your eyes breathing space. If there are days where you don't have to wear contacts (i.e you're not going anywhere and you're having a bit of a lazy day etc) , then don't wear them! Wearing contact lenses for long hours, every single day is really bad for your eyes and can cause them to go red. It's fine using them daily, but ensure you remove them the minute you can and have days where you don't wear them.

And that brings this post to an end! I wanted to add some contact myths that I could bust, and the best part of wearing contacts but I think this post is long enough. Though, if you's like to see something like that, feel free to let me know. I have no regrets in making the switch. My confidence has flourished, and whilst i'm still insecure about aspects of myself, i've grown to love myself a bit more . Thank you for reading (especially if you read all of that!) and i'll see you next time! Bye :)

- The Blogtique xx

The Key To Confidence With Glasses...

Hello everybody!

So, today i'm posting about something which I know many of you will be aware about. Glasses, and i'm talking about the object that aids your vision (not the the drinking glass, haha.) , are something i've had to wear for a couple of years now. Initially, it wasn't full time and I hated my glasses. Alot. I'd remove them the second that I finished my notes in class - stuffing them in their case and into the realms of my bag. At this point in time, I could still see relatively well without them. A slight haze, but nothing too major.
  As time progressed, I noticed my eyesight deteriorating. I held off getting my eyes checked, as I was scared they'd tell me to wear them full time. Eventually, it got to the point where I could no clonger see clearly through my glasses, so alas - I told my parents.
 The opticians only confirmed my fear, saying that i'd need to wear it full time. I was still in a huge mood about having these... 'weird block things on my face' , and so whilst I agreed to where them full time, my routine (yanking them off after lessons) continued.
 Once again, my eyesight grew weaker. This time, after being told I must wear my glasses full time (even more insistant than the first!), I sucked it up and went along with it. I knew I had to, I couldn't keep squinting at things when I was out of lessons. That, and my mum was keeping a very close eye on me.
  So I picked out a frame that I liked, though I hated most of them. Not because they were all 'ugly' , just because they made me ugly. The initial few weeks, as pathetic as it sounds, i'd sit in front of the mirror and internally cry at how horrendous I looked and felt. I'd psyched myself  up into this frenzy in which I believed people would view me differently because of these permanent specs. But in all honesty, no one really batted an eyelid. And if someone was to comment on my glasses, it usually took the form of a small, sweet compliment.
   Eventually, I grew to just tolerate them. I no longer would stare forlornly at the mirror - taking my glasses off and thinking of how they ruined my face. Whilst I still didn't particularly like them, they no longer were that much of a big deal. And now, here I am, a few months down the line writing a blogpost about gaining confidence with glasses.
  I'm not going to lie. I still pretty much loathe my glasses. Like I said, I deal with them now and don't have my little weep sessions - but I still think they make me look weird. I'm hoping that one day i'll come to love them & then i'll write an even more informative blogpost - but right now i'm just going to write a small bit on how i've grown to... not hate them as much.
  Eventually, I will be getting contact lenses. At first, I was opposed to the idea. Putting something near to invisible in my eye? No thank you! However, i've come to realise that they're not as bad as they look. I have multiple friends who wear contacts and whilst they admit it takes time getting used to at first- it's second nature to slip them into their eye now.
  Often, when I first started wearing glasses full time, i'd often find myself going 'Why do I have to have glasses, none of my friends have them'. Ofcourse I knew that I wasn't in a minority when it came to people wearing glasses - it often made me feel a bit self concious when I realised that all my friends didn't have to deal with glasses. That is, until I found out that one of them wears contacts (the one I was telling you about earlier). I think that little discovery put things into perspective for me , and I started to notice that loads of people use contacts. Some of the people who I constantly envied for having supposedly perfect vision , I later found out that they used contacts. This made me feel a little bit better, and I still am not completely sure why, I suppose I didn't feel as alone as before. I know some of you will be wondering why I felt alone in the first place, but I can't give you a definite answer, i'm afraid.
  The key to confidence is to be very honest with yourself. Why do you need glasses? Because you can't see clearly without them. Do you want to see clearly? I'm assuming the answer is yes. Are contacts/ laser eye surgery an option in the future? If the answer is yes, then great - you just have to wait till the time is right. If not, then just accept your new look and embrace it. I compare this situation with braces. I know alot of people that loathe braces, but for me I always had looked forward to getting them, because I was so excited for the end result- and that's how you should view glasses too. The end result is that you can see!

I know it's hard, but it's not too bad in the end, and there are always ways around it. Thank you for reading, and when I get contacts, i'll do a post on all the need to knows  etc. Bye!

-The Blogtique xx

(NOTE : I wrote this awhile back, but seemingly forgot about it. I now use contacts regularly and have decided to embrace my glasses. I'll write a post on that soon, but I thought that for anyone who'd be interested in my journey in accpeting the new way I looked back then, i'd post it!)

No Makeup, Makeup Tips.

Hey guys.

It's been awhile, i'm sorry. I always struggle with my time management. Anyway, today I wanted to write about something I thought would be useful for make-up beginners, especially people who are looking for natural looks to wear to school, or work or any other place that you're not supposed to go all out in.

As you guys are aware, i'm a make-up junkie. I'm also obsessed with winged eye liner, so my eye make-up is usually ... not dramatic - but it's definitely not neutral. So, I challenged myself with the task of ... not using  ... eyeliner.

I know, I know - it was very very hard because I absolutely LOVE that stuff, but I did it and the outcome was something that i'm excited to share.

That brings me onto today's post : tips on how to wear make-up in the most subtle way possible. So, just to clarify, i'll mention some products I use - but this is not a make-up look. If that's something you'd like, please let me know - but these are just tips.

Tip #1 : Try use as little foundation and concealer as possible. Ofcourse, I understand that there will be days where you'll want to put more concealer on than others, but try limit the usage - and if you do apply it, try doing it indirectly (putting some of your hand, then use a brush to apply). I always like putting a layer of cream/ washing my face before I do ANYTHING. I don't know whether this helps, but it definitely helps my skin feel fresh.

Tip #2 : Have your main, base eyeshadow as close to your skin tone as possible. It's alright if it has a little bit of shimmer, but attempt to keep it relatively neutral - so that it's not obvious. Another thing to consider is the amount of shades you use. Now, normally I use the shade closest to my skin tone anyway, but I also add a darker shade in my crease to add depth. However, when I want to be a bit more natural, I stick to that one base shade (which, mind you, still has a bit of shimmer).

Tip #3 : So, whilst I said it's ideal to stick to one shade for eyeshadow - another thing I like doing is getting a light, shimmer shade and putting it on the very inner corners of my eyes. I swatch some on my fingertip and then press it down gently at the beginning of my eye. I read somewhere that this creates the illusion of your eyes appearing bigger/standing out more - and choosing a light, shimmer shade accomplishes this in the most neutral way. I'm aware this technique is well known, and people now experiment with doing it for bolder shades/ colours (oranges, blues yada yada) - but it's something I absolutely love doing, and whilst it's noticeable, it still stays true to the 'no-makeup , makeup look'.

Tip #4 : Now, for lips. So a good idea is to get a lipstick - or even a lipliner that's closest to your natural lip colour, or maybe slightly different to enchance the shade of your lips.  A huge favourite of mine is the Revlon lipstick in the shade Brickstone, number 49. Keep in mind that i'm Indian, so my natural lip colour may be different to your own, but this lipstick is a beauty. It's not my exact lip colour, in fact it's far from it - but what I do is again, similar to the eyeshadow, I swatch a bit on my finger tip and then apply it on my lips, similar to how I apply lipbalm. This way, the lipstick becomes less pigmented - but still enhances my natural lip colour.

Tip #5 : Try stay away from using products such as highlighter, bronzer, blush and contour. Whilst some of these products are good, and allow you to stay subtle (like blush), it's so easy to over do it and with these kinds of looks, it's always advisable to use as little product as possible. Things like contour, are a huge no no for natural looks as it instantly transforms your look into something a bit more noticeable. Obviously, this depends on how natural you want to go and also how skilled you are with makeup, but with things like school, it's safer to stay away from contouring.

And that brings this post to a close. Whilst I love makeup, I am by no means a professional - but these are just a few tips i've found useful. Thank you for reading, and i'll see you all in my next post :)

- The Blogtique xx