The Effect Marriage Has Had on The Women of My Family

In the earlier parts of my life, the distinguishing line between forced and arranged marriages had been blurred. In some ways, I relate this back to my westernised upbringing. An interesting study made by Edward Said in his text 'Orientalism' explored how the Western eye views other cultural practices as versions of its own tendencies. If it strays from conventional Western normalities, it is dismissed as unnatural - despite it potentially being an unproblematic custom in its place of origin. Somewhere along the line, the Western world confused the practices of forced and arranged marriages (which, I feel the need to point out, it indeed encouraged itself in prior centuries) and the effects have been widely misleading.

With my mind being imbued with the problematic images of young brides-to-be, carrying trays of tea and biscuits into the room - inhabited by a potential suitor, I was exceedingly quick to reject the possibility of an arranged marriage of my own.

I suppose I believed that no one in their right mind would ever undergo an arranged marriage willingly. The thought seemed bizarre and foreign. Unnatural and slightly unsettling. I had thought that rejecting the concept of an arranged marriage complimented the regimented feminist agenda that I had adopted and thus, it became a thing that I would shake my head at.

I'm older now, and I can recognise that my prior views were more heavily influenced by what an arranged marriage used to be as opposed to what it is now. Before, societal views that favoured wealth, fair skin and future prospects hugely dominated the minds of those who would orchestrate such marriages, and thus arranged marriages were used as a means to marry for advantage as opposed to genuine connection.

Yet, what angered me most was how arranged marriages were used to deliver a young woman away from the control of one male and into the control of another. This would often be done without wholly acknowledging the wants and needs of the young women in question, and this is arguably where the confusion between arranged and forced marriages begun.

It was in discussions with the women of my own family that led to my growing aggravation at the abundance of female ambitions that have been squandered through these binding marital contracts.

If I look at my maternal grandmother, for example, I can see a woman who had a potent love for history and acquiring knowledge of the wider world. A woman who still seeks to educate herself on the profound gravities of modern life, yet a woman who was robbed of her independence - to pursue such endeavours - at the age of seventeen.

I am seventeen, and I cannot even begin to fathom having to give up the wealth of education that I have gained in order to establish a family with another human being. There is still so much I have left to do. Still so much that I have left to learn.

In conversations with my grandmother, she tells me that she is still happy with the way she lived her life. She tells me that she cannot bring herself to regret the joys that both my mother and uncle have given her. Yet, there is an acknowledgement of what her life could have been, had she been given the chance to explore and enrich her promising capacities.

There had been a particular discussion with my grandmother, that I remember, wherein she had told me that when my mother had reached the expected 'marriageable' age she had fought fiercely to shelter her from the outpouring of proposals that had been sent her way. She wanted to give my mother the time to truly explore herself. She had wanted to give my mother the time that she hadn't been given herself.

It is the stories, such as these, that make me feel such profound depths of gratitude that my own parents don't expect such a marriage of me. As I have gotten older, the idea of marriage has lost its appeal. The sacrifices that I have seen the women in my life make, in order to provide such futures for their children, are some that I struggle to comprehend. I don't know if I ever will be ready to give so much up, as they have done for me.

Maybe that makes me selfish. A lot of women are branded with such a title for their refusal to marry and have children. Yet, I don't tend to view it that way. I want to live a life that satisfies the things that my mother and grandmothers would have wanted. If I change my mind, then so be it - but at least I have been gifted with the wonders of having a choice. Something that they, undeservingly, didn't have, and it is a gift that I refuse to take for granted.

So no, I don't hate arranged marriages anymore. Now that I am older, I understand that if an individual wants to enter such an agreement, then they have every right to do so.

As long as they have a choice.

A Note on The Capacity of Humanity

Humanity has the potent capability to enlighten and yet also to horrify. With the recent deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd - humanity has irrevocably driven my heart into a state of utter shock and despondency.

If I think about it closely, I become consumed by the relentless circulation of my inner thoughts and anger at such tragedies. As individuals we have the capacity for such good, yet why must some choose to use their positions of power for such evil?

The plight of people of colour, to have their rights protected as closely as their white counterparts, has been an issue that has existed for a time that has undoubtedly been too long. It astounds me that a society that can be brought together by some truly remarkable things can still remain divided on something so trivial as the varying pigments on a fellow human being's skin.

I struggle to fathom that this is what we have resulted in. No matter what you believe in, about the origin of mankind, surely it can be agreed that we were made to be more than what we have become.

The deaths of those three individuals, amongst many others, reflects the ever present disparity in the way society views the value of human life, even today. My heart harbours a certain ache when I think of the abundance of lives that have been lost at the hands of figures of such power. Figures that are supposed to play the role of our protectors. Today, those figures have let us down.

I don't want to let the names of the people who have lost their lives to become mere numbers. They deserve to be more and we owe them a degree of duty to ensure that the loss of their lives strays from being in vain.

There can be no pride in remaining complacent in the face of such miscarriages of justice. I don't think, as humans, we can afford to retain any degree of pride at our - supposed - advancing society, if we consistently tend to falter when called to dispel the heart breaking realities faced by individuals across the globe.

So what can we do? We can sign petitions, we can listen. We can educate and be educated. We can make noise. A lot of noise. In fact, I think that we have to obligation to make as much noise as we possibly can. So much noise, that silence on such matters no longer becomes tolerated. No longer becomes accepted or treated as a normality. So much noise that, if one really listens, in the echoes of our voices we will be able to hear the names of the victims that have fallen before us. You see, if we make enough noise, we have a chance of making sure that one day - some where down the line, things like this won't happen again.

In a society where individuals abuse their power for such evils, we must rise and use our equalling capacity to instil justice. 

Women Aren't Fruit

The definition of a fruit is ' the sweet and fleshy product of a tree or other plant that contains seed and can be eaten as food'. For awhile, fruits have also been used as a means to categorize the female body into different types. They have been used, perhaps, as a tool to instruct women on how they should react to their own bodies, and this is a practice that is in a desperate need of being stopped. 

There are many attempts out there to put labels on what we know to be the undeniably diverse form of the female body. The ever present need to scrutinise the female form has existed for what seems to have been an eternity, and what lingers is an aching need to conform and become apart of what is constantly presented to be the ideal. Yet, what is the ideal?

The earliest memory that I can recall, wherein I was left to question the natural shape of my body, was when I was aged nine. From what I remember, I was with two other girls in the school bathroom and we were stood in front of this long mirror, posing. By chance, these two girls lacked even one ounce of the puppy fat that I had readily accumulated, and I can remember staring at it idly as they both twirled around the floors outside the toilet stalls.

What strikes me most about this memory is not only how young I was when it happened, but the fact that I can still remember it. Something, that otherwise would have been meaningless, has been carved into the innermost parts of my brain, purely because of the way it had made me feel. I doubt those other girls remember that moment, or at least not in the way that I do.

It hurts to think that the female body has been picked at to the point where even young girls struggle to feel beautiful.

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of this all is the fact that no one fully knows what the 'perfect' female body would look like. Everybody appears to yearn for different things, so why have we not reached a point where we universally accept that every single form on this earth is worthy of being both loved and cherished?

When I was slightly younger than what I am now, I remember turning to internet - in search of guidance as to what I should wear in order to 'best flatter my figure' (a.k.a. to hide my chest) . What I was met with were an array of videos that dictated what women of certain body types should and shouldn't wear. Back then, it had been almost hypnotic. I had felt the need to abide by these unspoken laws, and if that meant rejecting my beloved turtle necks then I was ready to be compliant.

There was some point down the line when I began to recognise the flaws that were inherently laced into the words of those supposed 'wise women'. Every word that they would utter seemed to be in relation to hiding something. And it occurred to me that the things they would insist needed to be concealed, were the very things that made an individual a human being.

It made me wonder about something. It made me wonder about why there was an apparent necessity to hide the beauty within the realism of such imperfections - if that is even what they should be called.

Now that I am older, I can appreciate the wonders of the human body that I had been blind to before. I strive to cherish it, and I work hard to appreciate the abundance of things that it gives me the capacity to do.

It isn't always easy. Moments before writing this I had stared in the mirror, wide-eyed at the prospect of a faint crease embedding itself into the depths of my face and somewhat alarmed at the light lines that peppered the inner parts of my thigh. Yet, I told myself that each of those marks held a potent significance. I told myself that even if they weren't beautiful in society's eyes, they were beautiful in mine. And that was all that mattered.

The painting that I have attached above was something that I created in the early parts of the quarantine period. It had started as a means to ridicule those vacant labels that get thrown around, such as 'pear shape' and 'apple shape', yet when I was finished with it - I realised that it had become something more. To me, it had become a symbol of unity and inclusivity, one that rejected any attempt to categorise the mesmerising beauty of  the diverse female form.

It is apparent to me now, more than ever, that women should never have been likened to fruit. Women are not fruit, we are human. And that is something that we should celebrate and revel in, rather than letting it be something that we strive to conceal. 

... And The Shape of My Body

As, perhaps, a second part to my prior post - I wanted to expand on the way in which society reacts to the female form. 

I would regard myself as a fairly early bloomer. My chest began developing in the late parts of primary school, and from there my growth only escalated. It had been something that I had always been hugely uncomfortable with. A side effect of being the early bloomer amongst your friends comes in the form of an unspoken embarrassment of feeling like a larger, more clumsy version of them. For me, at least, I hated the accumulation of feelings that made me envision myself as a whale in comparison to their dainty frames. 

And it just would not stop. I can remember being so overwhelmingly conscious of my figure - in particular, my chest - even in the beginning of secondary school. I would hide myself in shapeless jumpers and tops that had high necklines, regardless of whether I liked the clothes or not. I didn't want anyone to become aware of the fact that my chest was growing. Despite it being a completely uncontrollable entity, I was ashamed of what it would make others think.

At that age, we were still imbued with childish naivety which caused us to associate revealing clothes with promiscuity, and promiscuity with loose morals. I felt that I could only 'get away' with showing the tiniest bit of cleavage when I became older, when a miraculous veil was uplifted - indicating that showing my body for what it was, was okay again. 

Through those years, I became more confident with my body. There was still a bundled loathing directed towards my chest, yet I felt more comfortable with wearing a dress without tights and wearing tops that would go off of my shoulder. Yet ultimately, I still felt restricted in what I could wear. I still refrained from showcasing my chest to any degree, and I would google different ways of making the upper part of my body less prominent. 

There comes a relief in saying that I have passed those days. Whilst there is still the occasional hesitance to wear tops that may be deemed as too revealing, I now feel confident in wearing (mostly) whatever it is that I desire. 

If I think about why, I cannot help but feel my heart tinge slightly. When I was younger, I felt the need to hide my shape from anyone and everyone. I would cover myself to such overwhelming degrees, even if the heat outside was sweltering. All because I didn't want to be overtly sexualised for things which I was never able to control.

There was a time in school, a few months ago - even at my age of seventeen - where I was reprimanded for my choice of clothing. It had been my birthday and I was wearing this pretty lilac wrap top to school. It adhered to the school's uniform policy, and I had tied it in a way that it wasn't even remotely revealing. I had seen other girls at school get away with wearing things that showed off more. Yet, whilst walking past a senior member of school I was told that it was 'too revealing' and that I shouldn't wear it again. I was hugely mortified. The top hadn't shown any cleavage, unlike certain tops I had seen other girls wear, yet because of my larger bust I was instantly sexualised and put down for my choice of clothing. I understand that we should respect the regulatory school uniform policies, yet with the female form being so diverse, I would expect more sensitivity to be reflected in such rules and regulations. That entire day I felt uncomfortable and exposed, when I should have felt confident and secure in my body.

The sexualisation of young girls makes my mouth sour. Every time we tell a young girl that they need to 'cover up', we feed into the idea that being comfortable in their bodies is a liberty that they have not been given yet. We feed into the idea that showing one's body is something we should be ashamed of. And we feed into the idea that the minute a girl enters puberty, her body becomes an object that others can freely sexualise. We are effectively rejecting the basic principle of autonomy. 

A lot of people may argue that younger girls don't need to show 'so much' of themselves. That they are at a tender age where it is unnecessary for them to be wearing clothes that one my regard as exposing. Yet, this merely causes me to question why young boys aren't told the very same thing. 

I'll tell you why. It is because we attach something inherently sexual to the very core of the female form. We are unable to view it for what it is. There is an overt need to view it as a sexual commodity rather than for its biology. 

The implications of this leads to a heightened spread of rape culture and victim blaming. The female body is viewed as an entity that can't help but allure the attentions of predatory males and as a result, women are expected to assume the responsibility to cover themselves ( as to not accentuate their inherent sexuality further ) rather than men being expected to educate themselves on both consent and the damning nature of sexual objectivation. 

There is an apparent need for a radical shift in the way that we view the female anatomy. Without such change, the female body will remain as something that is viewed merely for sexual gratification, and that is something that I find - as I am sure that you will, too - hugely difficult to stomach. 

On The Colour of My Skin ...

As a person of colour within a Western society, I have always been aware of the components of my being that have made me different to the masses around me. I can recall some of the first moments in my early years where I felt othered.

Ofcourse, there were the clichés. With my complexion being compared to both faeces and dirt, in the early parts of my life, there was a difficulty that I harboured in accepting who I was and the appearance that I had inherited. 

In the later parts of primary school, I suppose it was no longer acceptable for such comments to be made and thus there were no more outright comparisons. Though, that didn't mean that the acknowledgement of my differences stopped. 

In the height of childlike courting, with handmade Valentines and plain declarations of 'love', I would merely watch on the periphery. Now, I can admit that my shyness perhaps contributed to that, yet there is also a part of me that just knows that the colour on my skin was also a deciding factor. The thought of someone liking me was treated as a light joke. The unspoken yet vehement rejections of the idea appeared much more inflamed than they did with any of the other girls. 

At those times, I hadn't really minded. The occasional sting was muffled by the fact that I had no interest in such things either. And perhaps, and it is this that makes my older and wiser heart hurt slightly, I didn't mind because I thought it was rational for white boys to never find a girl of colour attractive. I had thought that it was a given. 

We all have our preferences, that is the inevitable effect of human nature. Though, it occurs to me that from a young age we are somewhat psychologically programmed to find that attraction in people who remind us of ourselves. Who remind us of what we know. And though this appears harmless, the perpetuation of these ideas can fracture the confidence and self belief of many young individuals - especially within a society that praises girls for their beauty before their wit or their intellect. 

The first time I realised that a person of colour could be seen as attractive was when I joined secondary school. Having been the coloured outlier for the vast majority of my life, my entrance into secondary school was almost cinematic. There was something powerful about that change in my social scenery. Being around people who looked like versions of myself, for the first time, instilled a feeling of belonging within my bones. Something that I hadn't had for what had seemed to be an eternity. 

Yet with that came the burst of further insecurities. With this new acknowledgement that people of colour could be deemed pretty, there came a sinking realisation that there were perhaps more flaws that I had embodied other than what I had intially blamed to be the mere tint of my skin. I would pick at my nose, my mouth, my eyes and my hair. My weight or my figure and sometimes, ashamedly, the shade of my complexion.

The latter is of big controversy. With both brands and beauty ideals ingraining the idea that being fair is lovely, many girls struggle with their darker complexions. I consider myself lucky that my relatives have never been advocates of such beliefs. This meant that my dwelling, on this particular part of myself, was fleeting. Yet, it did compel me to reckon with the inner wirings of such a message.

This compulsion to be lighter undeniably stems from the need to succumb to Western beauty ideals. Rather than embracing the rich beauty of such potent colour, women regard it necessary to lighten their skin with creams, make-up and filters. 

I had a really thought provoking discussion with a friend, recently, about the influence of Western beauty ideals on the way we inherently perceive beauty. She had read an interesting study that showed that when observing a selection of people, of a race that is not our own, we instinctively find the individuals that hold features - that agree with Western ideals - to be more attractive. 

What we often fail to see, by remaining compliant with the spread of such beliefs, is that we are telling a large quantity of girls that they are not beautiful, merely because they do not look like someone else. We are telling them that their natural form is something they should strive to separate themselves from. 

The journey of accepting the colour of my skin is best described in separate stages. The first thing that I needed to accept was that I was not any less deserving of love and affection because of the pigment of my body. I had to acknowledge that I had the same capacity to be beautiful as the girls that I had grown up alongside. 

From there, my progression moved me to become confident in the richness of my colour. To revel in how beautifully it is complimented by gold, saffron and other colours of such vivacity. It was here that the complete rejection of Western beauty ideals was warranted. 

The last point of this journey is a place that I still find myself in. It is the utter rejection of any voice that tells me what I must be to be beautiful. It is the dismissal of the idea that beauty can only be attributed to an individual's physicality. Beauty is a societal construct and we must not let it become anything more than that. We must not let it tell us how we should view, not only ourselves, but others. And we must not let it influence the way we value the separate components of who we are.

It seems apparent to me that in order to live as my own, I have to be one with my own. And with the acknowledgement that there is an enrapturing beauty in almost everything, that is what I intend to become. 

Being One Of The Lucky Ones

When I was a young girl, the promise of education had never been something that was compromised. I was neither held back due to conservative ideals of womanhood nor financial deficiencies. For me, University had never been a 'what if'. With this acknowledgement comes the realisation that there are many privileges that I have unknowingly accumulated throughout my life, due to factors that I have had no influence over. It is a thought that consistently haunts me.

If I think of all the young girls that are out there in the world, the ones who have been denied the right to an education, I feel guilty. If I think of all those girls who have been brutally beaten and persecuted just for having thoughts that challenge the radical systems that they are governed by, I feel guilty. And if I think of the fact that I can write this - without having to worry about the threat of a savage government, I feel guilty. I feel so guilty, that it makes my mind numb and causes tears to leak profusely from my eyes. It just doesn't seem fair, how could it ever seem so?

The negative attitudes towards female education, across the globe, has been something that I have been aware of since I started my secondary education, yet Western media seems to perpetuate a clinical distance between its audience and the reality and thus I would fail to wholly comprehend the gravitas and heart breaking poignancy of it all. Having lived in a society that is somewhat 'past' those archaic beliefs, we appear to be hugely desensitized to such traumatic realities that are faced by many, because it doesn't happen to us anymore. It is no longer something we must witness in our day to day lives. Though, does that mean we should no longer help? Does that mean we should now be blinded by this superficial security and be lulled away from outstretching our hands back to the places where we came from?

As a young woman of colour I am hyper-aware of the considerable advantages that I have garnered as a result of my upbringing being within a liberal society. I know that I am one of the 'lucky ones'.  Often the feeling that I am profiting from something, that I feel that I have never earned, unsettles me. To know that I have the means to pursue my interests when I could have been any one of those other girls, had things been different, is something that serves as an instant break in my thoughts.

I suppose it should motivate me. Make me grateful for what I have got. And it does, I can assure you that it really does. Yet, it feels somewhat ill-minded to merely feel grateful when I am brought to think of thoughts like that. I am always hounded by the thought that I should feel something else. That I should do something else, to make up for these privileges that have fallen into the laps of my own on an array of silver platters.

Earlier today, when I was thinking of this, I came to a slight understanding of these innermost thoughts of mine, I reasoned with my guilt.

In moments like this, feeling guilt before having the opportunity to do something remains futile. I am only a girl of seventeen and I have yet to obtain the chance of spinning the nature of the world within the palms of my hands. The only guilt that should be felt is by the people who have such means on the tips of their delicate fingers, yet remain silent. If I was ever to become that, then I should feel guilty. But not now.

I will grow and I will stand on the frontline for change. That is all I can do. That is all we can do. And that is all that we should do.

If you happen to be one of the lucky ones, as am I, then use your opportunities to cultivate growth and embolden humanity to flourish. Because, as one of the lucky ones, the most powerful thing that we have are our voices and it is this that we should use them for.

Parents And Their Wish For Their Child's 'Happiness'

Right from when I was 11 years old, my parents voices would echo in my ear. Repeating the phrase 'We just want you to be happy'. It would always puzzle me, because it would always be said in times when I was far from happy. The times when we had yelled at each other till my voice was hoarse and there were tears leaking from my eyes. I would ask myself, if you wanted me to be happy, how did you let it get this far? 

And that is when I first started to question the inner motives of parents. Subconscious or otherwise. You see, my parents would appear to be the so called 'liberals' of their generation. Especially of the Asian community. I've often felt incredibly lucky that unlike some of my peers, my parents have never outright forced me into a career path. Never overtly planned my future.

This was something I always felt so incredibly proud of. Of their characters and humility. Their respect for me as an individual and my choices. My views on this began to change in the late parts of Year 10 when I was 15 years old.

I've mentioned before that English has always been an ardent love of mine (hence this blog) , and at this point in my life, I had decided it was something I would like to pursue at university. I knew I was still young, I knew I was still open to changing my mind, but it was my current choice - and honestly speaking... it was a relief. Despite being so young (I can understand that now with hindsight) I had so many panicked late nights, with the question 'what am I going to do with my life?' etched into every inch of my brain, and this decision was one that came with a sense of satisfaction and tranquillity.

I had done my research. With the dream of pursuing a career of journalism still freshly glittering in my thoughts, I made sure to properly look into the typical paths of those who had been successful before me. When I told my parents, I thought they would have shared my relief. Especially, with their previous declarations of letting me choose whichever path I wanted, which ever path would make me happy , I was certain that they would be pleased. They weren't. I was badgered with questions and skepticism.

On one hand, I can understand the parental reasoning behind this. Parents will understandably want to know that their child has fully thought a decision - that is so significant - through. Yet, despite making it clear that I had done my research and that I was aware of the competition, but pursuing a degree in English was what I really wanted to do, they still appeared hesitant.

Now, I know that ultimately if I had wanted to go through with getting an English degree, they would have let me. But what unsettles me is that I don't think they would have been as encouraging and supportive as they had otherwise lead me to believe. I just knew that they would be holding on to the 'I told you so(s)' for the future, when I would inevitably hit a minor bump in the road. And sometimes, I think the knowledge of that was a factor in making me re-evaluate my choice.

Yet, I won't blame them entirely. That wouldn't be fair. Ultimately, as a bit of a people pleaser, I wanted my parents to be fully on board with my choice of career but I was also determined to truly follow the path that I wanted to lead. Nevertheless, by chance, I began to research and explore the opportunities that could come with a Law degree - and the difference in their reactions was astonishing. Apart from the courtesy questions to check whether I was 'absolutely sure that this is was [I] wanted to do' , my parents didn't need much convincing. Certainly not as much as they needed for English.

And perhaps you might think that I am being unfair to them. That I am twisting the scenario to make them appear villainous, but let me assure you. I was on the receiving end of both of their reactions. I could tell the difference as if it were the back of my hand.

But I was happy. I was happy that I was finally getting the support and - arguably - their respect for my choice of degree and I have not looked back since. With more research and exploration into the subject, I have genuinely found a huge point of interest in the study of the Law and am thoroughly excited to eventually study it further. However, the disparity of their reactions remained unsettling to me, and thought I never vocalised my thoughts, I made an internal acknowledgement that perhaps my parents vehement declarations weren't as noble or liberal as they deceptively seemed.

You see, it became apparent to me that my parents' 'wish for me to be happy' actually meant that they wanted me to be happy on their terms. When I became increasingly aware of this, I began to more strongly believe in the idea that parents can subconsciously be quite selfish, in regards to the upbringing and future of their child, and after discussing with my parents - about this matter - profusely, my view has only been confirmed by their responses.

Let me put it this way. It almost as if I have been told that I have an endless amount of options to choose from, when in actual fact - I can choose anything I want - from the options that my parents have given me.

When discussing with my parents I asked them this ' If I was to come to you tomorrow and tell you that the only way I could ever be happy was if I was to become a hairdresser [ disclaimer : I have absolutely nothing against hairdressers and I would hate for this to come across snobby or anything like that. I only used it as an example because I knew it would be something that my parents would respond to] , would you be happy with me pursuing that?'

It took a lot of skilful, yet painfully frustrating evasions of my question to finally get my father to admit 'No, I would not be happy'. His reason ? Because I would supposedly not be independent or have a 'good standard of living'. I was appalled. My issue with my father's answer is layered. First and foremost, if we are to tackle the idea of happiness , I would have to counter his argument by stating that if, as a parent, his (as he has proclaimed himself) his sole aim is for me to be 'happy', why should he be unhappy if I achieve my happiness by being a hairdresser ? Why should the circumstances that lead to my happiness affect how he views the achievement of his supposed ultimate goal?

Unless that wasn't really his ultimate goal. His ultimate goal was - in reality - for me to be happy on his terms, by leading a life that he would be happy with. I won't dispute that if I was to become a hairdresser, I would not earn as much as him and I would perhaps not have the same lifestyle as he does, but if I had a job and could support myself and was happy - why should he , in theory, have an issue with that?

Moving away from the blatant disregard of the dignity of labour (that made me angry in itself, but that is another issue) , I was frustrated by his constant insistence that parents still just wanted ultimate happiness for their children. Some parents do, but most hide behind the phrase to conceal it.

And I guess, one might say, why shouldn't parents want that for their children? They provide for them, raise them - should they not be entitled to influence the life their child should lead ? My answer to that is no. 

If two people decide that they want to take on the responsibility of parenthood, then they must also readily accept that their child will be their own person. It is a parent's responsibility to care and provide for their child till they are of age, and no child owes their parents the right to make major decisions about their life, in exchange for that.

Now, however scathing this post may appear to be in regards to parenthood and particularly my own parents, I want to assure you all that I am not some crazed parent hater. I understand and can empathise with the plight that parents can face. Indeed, putting myself in the position of a parent makes me wholly appreciate the difficulty in giving your child free reign over their lives, with the worry that they could really 'make a mess' of it and end up in serious trouble. Yet, there comes a point when the decisions of your child are no longer yours to make. And even though a child legally becomes an adult at the age of 18, they should be treated with the dignity and respect of one well before that. Their decisions should be respected and acknowledged as their own desires and wishes, not versions of your own (as parents). 

A Journey of Learning to Let Friends Go

I thought that, by the age of 17, I would know who my friends were. In fact, even before my 17th birthday, I thought I already knew them. I have never been accustomed to change and that is something I always knew I would have to get over. But in all honesty, I thought I had time. So when school started in September last year, and every friendship I had ever known was dramatically altered - I felt I was left flailing.

I suppose I've always been more on the optimistic side, when it comes to friendships. A lot of people I know have already made peace with the fact that the people they hold close to their hearts in this very moment, will change in the coming years. That's something I have found myself slowly processing lately, but even then I have this unwavering hope that I have still caught on to a few good ones that will be my friends for life.

It's just strange to me. How can people fathom a life that doesn't contain any of the people they currently love so dearly ? How are people okay with that? Not to mention the 'Q' word again (quarantine), but these few weeks have been so testing. I went from already having a shortened list of close friends, to having that number itself being cut down. When does this end ? When will I be left with the people that will really stay? Part of me feels that i'll never really have that.

This isn't a unique problem or worry. I know that. But it's one of those feelings that even though you are hyperaware that it is universal - it will never ever feel like it is. Feeling like you have no one is so unbelievably isolating.

On the good days, I know that I have a really wonderful group of people. Ones that I can facetime with zero makeup on and hair that looks like a bird flew through it. Yet, on the bad days, I will think of a reason why every one of those friends aren't who they say they are. Or why they secretly find me boring. Or annoying to talk to. A chore to keep in contact with. It is crazy. My mind is an enigma to even myself and has always been one to enjoy keeping me on my toes. Has always been one to ruin every moment before anyone else can.

In the past year, I have gone from having a core group of friends to having my close friends scattered. Those who know me will know this little speech as well as I do, yet I feel I must repeat it to fully convey what this change makes me feel. It is like going from having all your support and love concentrated in one central part in your life, to suddenly having it dispersed. Scattered.

I went from never caring where I 'ranked' on peoples' close friends lists to suddenly being obsessively aware of all the people above me. Personally, I have never taken to having a full on list that ranks people I am close with. I feel, for me (and a lot of other people too) , my friendships sort of range in levels/ bands of people. There is no 'one supreme friend'. And since I had always had a group of friends with the same level of closeness, that had never been a problem.

The biggest heartache that I have felt this year is growing apart from someone who genuinely felt like a sister to me. In every way. She was someone who had been so close to me since we were 12. I would tell her everything, and I remember the endless visits to her house where we'd have our staple diet of Subway sandwiches and watch movies, sprawled across her living room floor. I remember the embarrassing videos that we would film, and the deep/ probing conversations that we would have on the train journey home. If I was ever to have a number one best friend - at that time, it would have been her.

And then Year 12 started. She pulled away from our already fractured group and maybe I could have made peace with that if I didn't feel as if she was pulling away from me too. I tried. Tried to keep the conversations going. She started getting the train at different times (albeit that was because of her convenience, and I understand that. Just meant I didn't see her as much) and there were a new group of people that she called her own. And yes, we still talk. And yes, I still love her to bits but something has changed.

The crushing part is, I don't even know what or why it did. Writing this makes me feel heavy. Though she's still in my life, I feel upset and frustrated that she's not in it in the way that she used to be. I have made endless attempts to get her to open up, or to get an explanation as to why. If I think about it long enough, I become irrational and start blaming myself for not being more funny or witty.

I think that we always have a bond that ties us to our first real 'best friend'. Having moved schools throughout the entirety of my primary school years, I had never really had that one close friend to hold on to for so long. So I think that this girl was the very first person who filled that role for me, even if I wasn't actively aware of it at the time. I mean, we effectively grew up together. You don't spend so much time with someone from ages 11 to 16/17 without forming a bond.

And by acknowledging this. By acknowledging that despite things changing, she's still a friend that I can turn to. I think that I am ready to start letting go. In all honesty, I thought that I had started that process months ago. Mainly because out of anger and frustration I had declared I would never ever let myself trust her again. Because I felt she had let me down. She hadn't. She had just grown up. Changed. And it was me that needed to accept and do that too. She'll always take up a core part of my secondary school experience. I'll always have the memories, and I guess she will too.

I may have lost having her in my life in the way that I used to, but I have to acknowledge the fact that I have also gained people who have filled any gaping holes that were left as a result of any losses or reshuffling. As we grow, we change. And so do the people around us. That means people can grow apart. Yet, it also means that sometimes, you'll find a way to grow back together.

I'm making it my goal to sit back and let nature take it's course in the realm of friendships. I am trying to not think of all the people that I might lose, but instead of all the people that I am going to gain. And, when even that gets a bit too much - I stop thinking of that at all, and just try to focus and appreciate the people that I have right now. Because I have some pretty amazing people to go to (the kind that make cute Pinterest aesthetic boards for you) , even if I sometimes doubt it.

Why I've Consistently Failed to Re-Invent Myself

Being in the midst of a global pandemic leaves one with an endless amount of time to mull over everything they want to change in their life. There seems to be a relentless amount of pressure to use this time 'productively'. And by that, people mean that this time should be used to exercise - get into shape. To learn a new skill, like cooking. To get on top of work and find time to do things that you've always wanted to do. I'm hearing this phrase (and ashamedly using it a little too often, myself) 'I need to get my life together', and I figured that I just need to stop. I need to slow down. We all do.

Throughout the course of first starting this blog (when I was 11) to now (with me being 17), I feel this blog serves as a written archive that could probably be used to piece together the many different attempts I made to 're-invent' myself. Whether it was the initial attempt to be 'quirky' with my awkward, embarrassing family (who god forbid took one selfie and made me so unbelievably mortified that I just had to make an entire blogpost on the trauma of having a family member know how to suitably work a phone)  or my multiple shots at trying to be a beauty guru - and dramatically failing because you just can't give makeup tutorials in a written format.

Not to sound like an absolute cliché, but if there was a prize for the biggest tally of embarrassing phases - I would probably come first. And second. And third. It seemed that every year of school would bring about another urge to shed my former layers and force myself to blossom into the likes of a beautiful swan, and yet every year I would painfully fail.

It seemed as though everyone around me was gradually growing into themselves, and becoming more beautiful, passionate and unique - and I felt so unbelievably plain in comparison. And for a while, I really wanted to change that.

I tried different hairstyles (which has lead me to realise that I will most definitely never be able to suit a fringe), had multiple wardrobe clear outs, started wearing contact lenses, started wearing mascara (and later concealer) to school.

Now don't get me wrong. I think it is great for people to wear/ do what makes them feel happy and more confident and if wearing makeup/ contact lenses does that for you (in the same way that not wearing makeup/ contact lenses might do for others) then you should wholeheartedly do what makes you more comfortable with who you are.

I guess my issue arises with my own personal reasons for initially doing all of those things. I was trying to re-invent myself into what other people would find pretty. I wasn't - at the start - doing it for myself. In regards to who I am as a person, I feel grateful and relieved that I've never felt the need to change or adapt depending on whoever I am with. Whether you're the beacon of 'cool' or my best friend, I would like to think that the core of who I am doesn't change, and I have never felt the pressure to do so either. Yet, it seemed with appearance I was at pains to gain the acceptance and approval of everyone - hence the many attempts to change how I looked and trying to fit into an 'aesthetic'. And honestly, I still couldn't tell you why. It baffles me that I can feel so secure with who I am as a person (mostly) yet be at the mercy of other people with everything else.

Maybe I am a subconscious perfectionist. Maybe that's why it hurt when no one singled me out as being one of the 'pretty ones' in school because ,to me, that seemed to be a flaw. And maybe, that's why I tried really hard to change how I looked, so one day people would go 'hey, she's pretty' and I could feel that I wasn't lacking anywhere anymore.

Just writing that out makes me feel so astounded with myself and how fractured my belief system was. Is (at times). The logical part of my brain knows better now. Only I can determine the value of myself and I know that once I master the art of keeping my self-worth unchangeable to any words other than my own, then I will feel liberated.

You see, the reason I constantly failed to re-invent myself was because I was looking at other people to set the benchmark. Not myself. You can't re-invent yourself to be somebody else. Reinventing oneself shouldn't be done to change the essence of who you are. It should be to expand yourself. To grow as an individual and blossom into a world where you are entirely your own. Part of it includes learning how to find the right concealer to match your skin tone, but the rest is so much more than that.

So, back to the lockdown. A lot of people will see this time as an opportunity to change themselves and come back as a new person. You don't have to follow. Use this time in whatever way you feel is best for you. If that is throwing yourself into a jampacked routine to alter the nature of your life and rejuvenate all elements of your soul, then do it. But if you'd rather sleep, relax and really explore the depths of who you are as an individual and focus on your internal/spiritual growth, then that is perfectly okay too.

A One Year Anniversary

Hello everyone,

Today I watched a Hindi film called ‘The Sky is Pink’ , it’s based on a true story and follows a family dealing with illness. It was so beautifully raw and captivating. To think of what that family has had to endure made my heart squeeze. I suppose it also got me thinking about my own experiences with illness within my family. I feel so fortunate to have all of my immediate family with me still. Though there are moments when I think of how different my life could have been if even the smallest events hadn’t occurred. If I think about when my mother first found a lump in her breast, I’m overwhelmed with this chilling emotion and realisation that we got lucky. And I know that sounds bizarre. How could we possibly be lucky ? But if I think about the events leading up

to that, how she’d just finished her contract for her temporary job so she had more time to lounge around in the morning, how that one morning her fingers just happened to brush against a part of her that wasn’t usually there … I know now that had that not happened, my mother would have died in less than a year. 

And then I think about where my family and I were, this time last year. Last Saturday marks one year since my mother received her second diagnosis. And yet I’m still pushed into thinking at how lucky we were to have caught it so early. Had her check up been a week earlier, the tumour wouldn’t have been picked up & I would be feeling something very different today. As this year has progressed, I have become familiar with something I had long hoped I’d never have to know again. I’ve learned more about what my mother had to go through the first time. At 10 years old I was completely unaware of the relentless hospital visits and risks to my mother’s life. She tells me the stories every now and then. And every time I feel my stomach churn. How she was rushed to hospital in a critical condition merely hours after her own father’s death …  the profound effects the entire ordeal had on her mental health for years afterwards ... the effects that I was - and arguably still am - so painfully unaware of. 

If I think too much about it all, I feel heavy. Sort of like how I do right now. Even though my family have passed through arguably the most challenging parts of our lives, I can see the everlasting effects that cancer has had on all of us. My dad was unable to treat cancer patients for a year after my mum’s first diagnosis. My sister, now more familiar with it since earlier this year, goes quiet every time it’s mentioned. I guess even I do. I hate hearing the word when it’s not being said by me, which I know sounds so weird. It’s almost as if, when I say it , I feel in control over my emotions - I know that it’s coming. When it’s said by someone else, to raise awareness, or in a film, or even flippantly like ‘oh don’t drink from the same plastic bottle, you’ll get cancer’. I just feel this shudder and a chill. Sometimes I feel an irrational sense of anger, that people have the power to say something so life changing and pivotal , without even batting an eyelid. 

 I’m not sure what the purpose of this was. I’m not sure if I’ll even share it. I think writing this served as a cathartic experience. The effects of illness in a family are something that linger even when everything seems normal. I often think people forget that. After my mother was cleared I felt this sudden shift, almost as if no one - apart from my family - regarded it as a problem anymore. And I guess it wasn’t. She’s healthy now, that’s all we ever wanted. But I still feel that there’s a lot of me that hasn’t said what I’ve always wanted to say. But that’s okay, I understand that. These things are such taboo topics and things that are so understandably difficult to talk about. I never want to make anyone uncomfortable by forcing them into talking about it, and so I think that’s why I never asked.

 Watching the film today truly spurred my most evaluative thoughts. I’m so grateful that my mum is still here. I’ll be the first to admit that the relationship with my parents needs a LOT of work. We have an unhealthy abundance of arguments, but it’s moments like this - when my mind replays everything we’ve experienced together, that I think of how lucky we’ve been. And I get reminded of what all I have to fight for. I know I’m not special. So many people endure what we had to go through and much worse. I don’t regard myself as particularly strong either - that’s all on my mum, she was the fighter. But I do think that I got to learn a lot about myself during both times & how I’ve grown in between them. So I guess I’ll end this here. It’s still so weird to think that this time last year, I was lying in my bed with tears streaming down my face - staring at the ceiling , just completely and utterly dreading 2019. And here we are. Having gone through what I thought would be my worst year, and being ready for the next decade of my life. I’m hopeful. 

Online Shopping vs. Traditional Shopping

Hey everyone,

So today's post is for those of you who may be having the natural debate to have (in this day and age) about whether to switch to the pleasant, non-judgemental ways of online shopping. Where you don't have to find the will to get dressed and ready for walking around a crowded shopping centre - or go out and try on all the wonderful clothes, maybe make it a day trip - and have lunch in some fancy restaurant (or Mcdonalds).

I love shopping in general, so sit back and enjoy one excited shopaholic jabber on about the different ways you can snag a super, amazing deal.

A few years back, I first started shopping online. Not for clothes, but for Taylor Swift merch (which is still a thing I save up for). I'd scour eBay and Amazon for those rare bargains and then pester my parents to let me buy it (with my own pocket money, may I add) . Yet, that was where my adventures into the world of online retail ended.

I think last year (so yes, still fairly recent), I was idly surfing clothing websites - as I often do, usually to find something I like, screenshot it and then try it on in the store, to make my final decision. This time it was ASOS - which, for those of you who don't know- is an online shopping company. Therefore there weren't any physical stores. Whilst looking through the website, having already decided that I wouldn't be swayed to buy anything because that was too risky (not because of the website/company - but because i'd heard that online shopping for clothes wasn't the best idea), I found the most beautiful collared smock dress (read my post raving about smock dresses here ) and I decided to go for it.

And this wasn't a blind decision. I reasoned with myself and figured that since it was designed to be a loose fitting smock dress - I couldn't really go wrong with it. Especially since I was already a fan of this style of dress.

And I was right. It was a beautiful dress, and I have worn it since.

Saying this, it was a relatively risky choice and whilst ASOS does do returns, it is alot of effort to undergo for one dress. So here are a few tips regarding online shopping before I go into my comparison of the two styles of shopping :

#1 : Make sure it's a trusted site. Read reviews, watch videos etc. Online shops that have physical stores are generally trustworthy (i.e H&M , Topshop *I have bought from these, and the experience was very smooth*). Shops like ASOS and Pretty Little Thing are also good. However smaller stores like Romwe and Shein are ones to be careful about. Ensure that you do your research.

#2 : Know your measurements as well as sizes from a variety of different shops. ASOS do a size match to help you find the most suitable size for you, so it really helps to have as much information as you can to ensure you're getting your perfect fit. However, if in doubt either don't get the clothing item or (if you're desperate for it) go for the size above. Better too much than too little as you can always get it tailored.

#3 : Try to avoid buying clothing items in a certain style that you haven't tried before. Whilst I will always encourage you to go outside your comfort zone with clothes and expand your style, try stay clear from doing this on an online platfrom. It's much safer to go for these things in store where you can see if you like it or not before you buy it.

And finally, a comparison - and my final opinion. I personally prefer traditional shopping. Don't get me wrong, online shopping is great and I love the feeling of having a wonderful package waiting at home for you, but I would only ever do it with things like T-shirts, skirts or loose fitting dresses due to the fact that you can never 100% gurantee that it will fit. I like that with traditional shopping I can see how the item looks on me, before I make my decision and also make it into a fun outing with friends.

Saying that, you can shop online in the comforts of your own home but that choice is all up to you and how well you know your size and what suits you.

I hope this post was helpful, and i'll see you soon with another post!

-The Blogtique xx

Contact Lenses : Experience & Tips

Hey guys,

So I recently uploaded a post on how I progessively gained confidence with my glasses. The post was written a while back. but I found it in my drafts and I couldn't let it go to waste, as I know how much a post like that would've helped when I was coming to terms with that new change.

However, I am now a daily user of contacts and I wanted to do a post where I could gush about how much I love them and also share a few things i've learnt from wearing them and any tips I can give you if you're considering making the switch from frames to lenses.

My Experience
So, for starters... why did I make the switch? I decided to give contacts a go, because of how drastically my self-esteem  had plummeted during the time of me wearing glasses. I'm aware that there will be people who'll argue and say there are more pressing issues to discuss, and I totally agree - but that shouldn't discredit this internal battle I faced. In the future i'd like to come to write a post on beauty and society etc. but for now, we'll talk about this small fraction of it.

For someone who visibly cringed at the idea of touching an eye, and who swore (despite being told to wear glasses - not full time, yet) that they would never wear contacts, I think it's safe to say that I shocked most people when I decided I wanted to try contact lenses.

Alot of girls in my school had started wearing them, including a relatively good friend of mine. So I thought, if they can all do it - then so can I! And so I asked my parents.

They were skeptical at first, and it took awhile for my mum to book the intial appointment (until I resorted to nagging every day), but finally I was sat in the waiting room at our local Specsavers.

I was terrified. It was only at that moment had it dawned on my that I was about to touch my eyeball. MY EYEBALL. I'd practiced coming to terms with it, and i'd pretend I was putting a contact in whilst wearing glasses and keeping my eyes wide open, so I was familiar with a finger coming close to my eye. But suddenly all the peptalks i'd given myself since the appointment was booked had vanished.

Then my name was called out, and we went into the little consulting room. They'd taken my prescription prior to the appointment so the contacts had been delivered and the optician was taking them out of their packaging, when he told me this. He was going to put it in my eye. I'd been warned about this by my friend, but I had waved it off, thinking it had just been in their case. (NOTE : This isn't done in all opticians, but Specsavers does do this).

I awkwardly smiled, and then he started putting it in. Now, you see... my mind was relatively at ease but for some reason my eyes would not cooperate and after several tries the contact finally went in my eye. Then it was time for the other one. Ack.

I'm going to be honest and say that I did feel very faint and sick after, but the optician was very nice and got me a glass of water and I was fine in no time. This isn't a side affect of the contacts or anything, just that I am a person that's prone to fainting etc.

Initially, it felt like I had an eyelash stuck in my eye, but within a minute - that sensation was gone. I then began to notice everything felt a bit more three dimensional. That sounds weird, as we see in 3D anyway - but I think it's because with glasses, if you keep your head fixated in one place, but then move you eyes to look downwards or sideways - your glasses don't cover that part, so you can't see (unless you turn your whole head around).

Contacts, however are all around your pupil, so if you do move your eyes, and not your head - you can still see. Which is so amazing and got me incredibly excited.

They then checked to see if the contacts caused any negative effects on my eyes, and then sent me off to another optician who would teach me how to remove the contacts. For this bit, thankfully, I did myself.

The instructor talked me through it and then I gave it a few attempts. No one is expected to do it on their first try, and thankfully my instructor was incredibly patient. Once I managed to take my contacts out, I was taught how to put them back in (which, in my opinion, is much easier).

The instructor then gave me the all clear sign, and gave me my free trial contacts (the ones I had in my eye). If you do struggle with putting them in and out at first, they'll most likely re-schedule you for another training appointment before letting you have your free trial. Otherwise, you'll just be expected to return the following week for them to just check how you are finding them and to see whether they're causing any troubles etc.

On the first day of wearing my lenses (same day of the appointment), I was advised to only wear them for 5 hours, just so my eyes would slowly adjust to them. Then, as the days progressed, I could start extending the amount of time I wore them for.

Monthly or Daily?
So usually, the contacts they give you for your free trial will be monthly contacts. These are lenses that you change every month. There are also daily contacts, but these are changed every day. I use monthlys as they work out cheaper, and also are slightly thicker - so they're easier to put in and take out. Especially for beginners. Some say dailys are more comfortable, and whilst I haven't tried dailys myself, I personally find monthlys fine and super comfortable. You will feel them in your eye initially, but after the first few days, you won't feel a thing.

As with anything, there are pros and cons of these two types. With monthlys you have to take extra care with them, because if you accidentally tear one - you can't wear contacts until the month is over and you can wear your new ones. You also can't do spontaneous sleepovers, unless you carry your solution and contact case with you everywhere.

Dailys, however - as I mentioned earlier, are supposedly harder to deal with as they're quite fiddly.

At the end of the day, it depends on you, your routine, and how you plan to use your contact lenses. I'd recommend monthly contacts if you're planning on wearing contacts at the odd event etc. It works for everyday use as well (That's what I do), it's just that buying daily contacts is quite useless if you don't plan to wear them everyday. Dailys are probably best if you tend to lose things easily, as they don't require you looking after them, like monthly lenses do..

However, at the end of the day, these are just my personal recommendations. If they don't work for you, that's perfectly fine.


Info :
I'm now going to go over the basic rules for contacts that your optician will most likely tell you.

• Don't mix your solution and water together. Your solution is what cleans your contacts from anything it's collected whilst being in your eye (smoke particles from people smoking nearby etc). You don't want to mix these two liquids as it can cause eye infections as water is not germ free.
• Don't have showers/ baths with your contacts in. As mentioned before, water and solution aren't a good match. Well, neither are water and contacts. Water can cause your contacts to change shape/swell/stick to the eye. Saying that, there are times i've showered with contacts (if guests are coming later, and i'm too lazy to remove my lenses and then put them in again), however as long as you keep your eyes shut and strategically cleanse yourself, avoiding too much water contact with your face - you're good. Also, this doesn't really apply to rainwater - so don't fret if it starts to rain!
• Change your solution. If you have dailys, this shouldn't be a problem, but with monthlys it's important to constantly change your solution when you put them in their case etc. Keeping the same solution can cause infections. HOWEVER, don't wash your solution out with water (for reasons that you  now know!)
• Ensure the lense is the right way round. It's hard to explain without photos, but your optician will go through this with you. To keep it brief, you want you lense to be bowl shaped. If it appears slightly flat, then it's the wrong way round. If this detail goes over your head, you'll feel it anyway as the sensation won't be very nice and feel a bit like sand etc. 

I think those are the main things, but there may be things i've missed - but those are the key points when dealing with contact lenses. 

So for things i've sort of discovered along the way, I definitely find it useful- for when i'm taking my contacts out, to have prefilled my contact case with the solution, so I can pop the lense in straight away instead of hold it carefully whilst I fill the case.

Makeup wise, I prefer putting my lense in before I start applying my makeup. This is so I don't smudge anything. However, if you do this then be extra careful when putting on mascara as you don't want to get any product on your lense.

Sometimes if my contact does feel a bit odd in my eye, I close my eyes and shift them from side to side, before opening again. This usually stops the contact from feeling strange. If this doesn't work after a few tries, there is chance you've put your lense in wrong- which is fine, just remove it, put it back in the solution and then try again, ensuring it's the right way round this time.

Another thing i've noticed with contacts is that sometimes I can't focus on things. This happens rarely and isn't a huge problem, as usually if I look away and then look back then it would have adjusted back to normal. This is something my friends who where contacts also find, but don't worry- it's nothing huge!

Unless you're a pro, try keep your nails short. This just makes the whole process of removing your contacts less stressful and much easier.

Also, ensure you give your eyes breathing space. If there are days where you don't have to wear contacts (i.e you're not going anywhere and you're having a bit of a lazy day etc) , then don't wear them! Wearing contact lenses for long hours, every single day is really bad for your eyes and can cause them to go red. It's fine using them daily, but ensure you remove them the minute you can and have days where you don't wear them.

And that brings this post to an end! I wanted to add some contact myths that I could bust, and the best part of wearing contacts but I think this post is long enough. Though, if you's like to see something like that, feel free to let me know. I have no regrets in making the switch. My confidence has flourished, and whilst i'm still insecure about aspects of myself, i've grown to love myself a bit more . Thank you for reading (especially if you read all of that!) and i'll see you next time! Bye :)

- The Blogtique xx

The Key To Confidence With Glasses...

Hello everybody!

So, today i'm posting about something which I know many of you will be aware about. Glasses, and i'm talking about the object that aids your vision (not the the drinking glass, haha.) , are something i've had to wear for a couple of years now. Initially, it wasn't full time and I hated my glasses. Alot. I'd remove them the second that I finished my notes in class - stuffing them in their case and into the realms of my bag. At this point in time, I could still see relatively well without them. A slight haze, but nothing too major.
  As time progressed, I noticed my eyesight deteriorating. I held off getting my eyes checked, as I was scared they'd tell me to wear them full time. Eventually, it got to the point where I could no clonger see clearly through my glasses, so alas - I told my parents.
 The opticians only confirmed my fear, saying that i'd need to wear it full time. I was still in a huge mood about having these... 'weird block things on my face' , and so whilst I agreed to where them full time, my routine (yanking them off after lessons) continued.
 Once again, my eyesight grew weaker. This time, after being told I must wear my glasses full time (even more insistant than the first!), I sucked it up and went along with it. I knew I had to, I couldn't keep squinting at things when I was out of lessons. That, and my mum was keeping a very close eye on me.
  So I picked out a frame that I liked, though I hated most of them. Not because they were all 'ugly' , just because they made me ugly. The initial few weeks, as pathetic as it sounds, i'd sit in front of the mirror and internally cry at how horrendous I looked and felt. I'd psyched myself  up into this frenzy in which I believed people would view me differently because of these permanent specs. But in all honesty, no one really batted an eyelid. And if someone was to comment on my glasses, it usually took the form of a small, sweet compliment.
   Eventually, I grew to just tolerate them. I no longer would stare forlornly at the mirror - taking my glasses off and thinking of how they ruined my face. Whilst I still didn't particularly like them, they no longer were that much of a big deal. And now, here I am, a few months down the line writing a blogpost about gaining confidence with glasses.
  I'm not going to lie. I still pretty much loathe my glasses. Like I said, I deal with them now and don't have my little weep sessions - but I still think they make me look weird. I'm hoping that one day i'll come to love them & then i'll write an even more informative blogpost - but right now i'm just going to write a small bit on how i've grown to... not hate them as much.
  Eventually, I will be getting contact lenses. At first, I was opposed to the idea. Putting something near to invisible in my eye? No thank you! However, i've come to realise that they're not as bad as they look. I have multiple friends who wear contacts and whilst they admit it takes time getting used to at first- it's second nature to slip them into their eye now.
  Often, when I first started wearing glasses full time, i'd often find myself going 'Why do I have to have glasses, none of my friends have them'. Ofcourse I knew that I wasn't in a minority when it came to people wearing glasses - it often made me feel a bit self concious when I realised that all my friends didn't have to deal with glasses. That is, until I found out that one of them wears contacts (the one I was telling you about earlier). I think that little discovery put things into perspective for me , and I started to notice that loads of people use contacts. Some of the people who I constantly envied for having supposedly perfect vision , I later found out that they used contacts. This made me feel a little bit better, and I still am not completely sure why, I suppose I didn't feel as alone as before. I know some of you will be wondering why I felt alone in the first place, but I can't give you a definite answer, i'm afraid.
  The key to confidence is to be very honest with yourself. Why do you need glasses? Because you can't see clearly without them. Do you want to see clearly? I'm assuming the answer is yes. Are contacts/ laser eye surgery an option in the future? If the answer is yes, then great - you just have to wait till the time is right. If not, then just accept your new look and embrace it. I compare this situation with braces. I know alot of people that loathe braces, but for me I always had looked forward to getting them, because I was so excited for the end result- and that's how you should view glasses too. The end result is that you can see!

I know it's hard, but it's not too bad in the end, and there are always ways around it. Thank you for reading, and when I get contacts, i'll do a post on all the need to knows  etc. Bye!

-The Blogtique xx

(NOTE : I wrote this awhile back, but seemingly forgot about it. I now use contacts regularly and have decided to embrace my glasses. I'll write a post on that soon, but I thought that for anyone who'd be interested in my journey in accpeting the new way I looked back then, i'd post it!)

No Makeup, Makeup Tips.

Hey guys.

It's been awhile, i'm sorry. I always struggle with my time management. Anyway, today I wanted to write about something I thought would be useful for make-up beginners, especially people who are looking for natural looks to wear to school, or work or any other place that you're not supposed to go all out in.

As you guys are aware, i'm a make-up junkie. I'm also obsessed with winged eye liner, so my eye make-up is usually ... not dramatic - but it's definitely not neutral. So, I challenged myself with the task of ... not using  ... eyeliner.

I know, I know - it was very very hard because I absolutely LOVE that stuff, but I did it and the outcome was something that i'm excited to share.

That brings me onto today's post : tips on how to wear make-up in the most subtle way possible. So, just to clarify, i'll mention some products I use - but this is not a make-up look. If that's something you'd like, please let me know - but these are just tips.

Tip #1 : Try use as little foundation and concealer as possible. Ofcourse, I understand that there will be days where you'll want to put more concealer on than others, but try limit the usage - and if you do apply it, try doing it indirectly (putting some of your hand, then use a brush to apply). I always like putting a layer of cream/ washing my face before I do ANYTHING. I don't know whether this helps, but it definitely helps my skin feel fresh.

Tip #2 : Have your main, base eyeshadow as close to your skin tone as possible. It's alright if it has a little bit of shimmer, but attempt to keep it relatively neutral - so that it's not obvious. Another thing to consider is the amount of shades you use. Now, normally I use the shade closest to my skin tone anyway, but I also add a darker shade in my crease to add depth. However, when I want to be a bit more natural, I stick to that one base shade (which, mind you, still has a bit of shimmer).

Tip #3 : So, whilst I said it's ideal to stick to one shade for eyeshadow - another thing I like doing is getting a light, shimmer shade and putting it on the very inner corners of my eyes. I swatch some on my fingertip and then press it down gently at the beginning of my eye. I read somewhere that this creates the illusion of your eyes appearing bigger/standing out more - and choosing a light, shimmer shade accomplishes this in the most neutral way. I'm aware this technique is well known, and people now experiment with doing it for bolder shades/ colours (oranges, blues yada yada) - but it's something I absolutely love doing, and whilst it's noticeable, it still stays true to the 'no-makeup , makeup look'.

Tip #4 : Now, for lips. So a good idea is to get a lipstick - or even a lipliner that's closest to your natural lip colour, or maybe slightly different to enchance the shade of your lips.  A huge favourite of mine is the Revlon lipstick in the shade Brickstone, number 49. Keep in mind that i'm Indian, so my natural lip colour may be different to your own, but this lipstick is a beauty. It's not my exact lip colour, in fact it's far from it - but what I do is again, similar to the eyeshadow, I swatch a bit on my finger tip and then apply it on my lips, similar to how I apply lipbalm. This way, the lipstick becomes less pigmented - but still enhances my natural lip colour.

Tip #5 : Try stay away from using products such as highlighter, bronzer, blush and contour. Whilst some of these products are good, and allow you to stay subtle (like blush), it's so easy to over do it and with these kinds of looks, it's always advisable to use as little product as possible. Things like contour, are a huge no no for natural looks as it instantly transforms your look into something a bit more noticeable. Obviously, this depends on how natural you want to go and also how skilled you are with makeup, but with things like school, it's safer to stay away from contouring.

And that brings this post to a close. Whilst I love makeup, I am by no means a professional - but these are just a few tips i've found useful. Thank you for reading, and i'll see you all in my next post :)

- The Blogtique xx

How To : Build Up Your Wardrobe

Hey everyone!
  So, Summer has officially started over here in the UK and I definitely have a few posts in store for the holidays - but today I wanted to make a post on something which I think could be useful for all seasons and something which i've doing for awhile now; building a good for all seasons, fashionable wardrobe consisting of fashion items that I 100% love. I am one of those people that can get really into organising and tidying/de-cluttering when i'm in the mood. It's a bit weird, actually. 99% of the time I am a renowned hoarder, who collects the most random of things, but get me in the right mood and a bunch of clothes and I will de-clutter away. In other words, clothes are the one thing that I will have no problem tidying up etc, because I always know what i'll wear and what I won't. That being said, I won't throw away sentimental clothes. Whoopsie.
 Okay, so the first step is to thoroughly go through your wardrobe and pick out what you like, what you don't and things you might be on the fence about. Once you've separated your clothes into these three piles, put back all the clothes in the 'yes' pile into you're wardrobe (to avoid having your room or wherever you're screening look like an absolute mess!). Next, find some sort of bag or place to keep the clothes in the 'no' pile. Usually, i'll keep these separately until a charity collection comes round and then i'll donate the clothes, unless I think they could be reused by my sister or a family friend. Finally, do another screening of the clothes in the 'maybe' pile. Think of these questions, will you wear it again? Does it still fit like it's supposed to? What would you wear it with? etc. etc. Put all the ones you've decided to keep, back in your wardrobe and the others with the ones you're giving away.
  So, if this has gone successfully - you should have lots of space for some new clothes. I tend to surf shopping websites and pick out certain types of clothing i'd like to purchase. Now, this isn't me picking out specific pieces, that's the next stage. This is me just saying, 'Oh, I quite fancy an oversized cardigan right now' etc. I make a casual list, so whenever I go shopping I have some key items to look out for. Now, here's one of my all time favourite tips - #Tip 1 Buy clothes way ahead of their season. Did that make sense? What I mean is, if it's Summer - stock up for Winter. Obviously you'll need the Summer essentials too (shorts, T-shirts etc) or you'll bake - but usually things like cardigans and Winter coats drop in their prices considerably and I always find little sale jewels by using this amazing trick. I've bought cardigans and coats that were around £60 to £70 for less than £20 ! And all of this was in Summer, who would've thought? 
  My next #Tip 2 is that you should have basic items in your wardrobe that you can use all year round. Yes, you can't necessarily walk around in a Christmas jumper in July - but have things like plain white T-shirts  and skirts etc. For Winter you can throw on a jumper or a cardigan over the T-shirt and for Summer, or hot days (since you never know with British weather) you can just leave it and wear it with shorts or the skirt.
  I think it's really important to love every piece in your wardrobe. Your clothes are a way of expressing yourself and one killer outfit can give your confidence an extra boost, so it's important you're happy and comfortable with what you're wearing. That's not me saying that you shouldn't try new things, ofcourse you should! It's so much fun going into a shop picking one wild card item and giving it a go - seeing whether you like it or not. It's just knowing that you have a trust set of fashion items that you love, and none that make you feel awkward wearing.

 Hope you enjoyed this post! I'm aware I only put 2 tips in, but if you like this kind of thing I can do more 'How To's'. Fashion is my passion, and i'm always on the look out for new clothes - so my wardrobe does often have clearouts. Anyway, have a nice Summer! And i'll get back to you all soon :)

Let's Talk : Hair Removal

Hair removal. The complete and utter bane of my existence. I hate it with a fiery passion. I mean, sure. I love not having any hairs on my legs and arms or in my armpits - but the hassle of waxing or any hair removal process is honestly the most boring,and tiring thing I've ever indulged in. And then there's this thing about which process you prefer. A question which I have been trying to answer for a couple of years now.

Personally, at the moment I have to go with my trusty shaving cream. I know many people have problems with this, saying it takes too long and that you often have to do it a couple of times (put layers of cream) in order to get results. However, it's painless which makes it a total winner, in my opinion & the brand I use always provides great, hair free results (making me only have to add another layer every now and then when I use it). Yes, the hairs grow back faster - but if you're someone who doesn't like the pain of waxing - shaving cream is the next best thing. The cream I use is called Veet Hair Removal Cream and instead of your average razor, it comes with a plastic spatula sort of thing - hence avoiding any cuts that you might receive from a sharp blade of some sort. However this is down to you and what you'd prefer.

Now, I'm not very experienced in the world of epilators. I've never used them, but from what I've heard - they're quite painful. The process is just getting the device and 'rolling' it across your skin as it individually plucks each hair out. Apparently this causes a sharp shock/ jolt of pain each time it plucks a hair out (which would be alot, if you aren't someone that does it as regular as 2-3 weeks). Whilst T.V adverts make it look painless and effortless (believe me, I have also had those first impressions), these little gadgets are seemingly far from being painless - some even saying they hurt more than waxing!

Waxing is another method of hair removal, and probably the most popular. Advantages include it being quick, effective - almost never failing to make you hair free in areas such as your legs, and long lasting . However,disadvantages include an intense amount of pain (this is subjective) ,and  red small 'swollen' spots to initially appear after a wax. I have experienced waxing, and the first time is (personally) the most brutal. If you wax regularly ,as in 1-2 weeks, (which isn't necessary)  it avoids excess pain  since if you only have a few, small hairs to remove - it won't hurt as much when you wax them as it would for long, and large amounts of hair on your legs or arms.

Finally, eyebrows. The last few techniques were mainly based on removing hair from your legs or arms - but as one weird society, we have seemingly taken to grooming our eyebrows to "perfection". I thread my eyebrows, and whilst I'm not the most experienced (as this is the only process I've tried), I personally think that it works best for me. Since my eyebrows are naturally quite thick and luckily have a natural arch/shape (or so I've been told) - threading simply tidies my eyebrows up. However I'm aware that threading can be used to create an eyebrow shape etc. Threading is an affordable process, my usual place charges only a £5 note for a tidy up. If you are someone who doesn't have thick eyebrows, and may not have dark hair (so your eyebrows don't show as well ) , microblading might be the process for you. Microblading is the technique of dyeing your eyebrows with a semi permanent ink, that fits with your natural hair and skin tone - whilst providing a slight shape. It lasts for about a year or so, yet it is not cheap. Prices are typically around £250 per treatment , however they do vary.

So, that was majority of what I have to say on hair removal. At the end of the day it is 100% your choice on whether you want to shave, or wax - or whether you'd rather just leave it - or wait till you're older. Yes, I may loathe the process, but I do like the result and that's why I do it. Don't ever feel that you have to wax just because everyone else is doing it - your body is your body & whatever you feel comfortable in is what you should do. One of my friends once said that she didn't have to look at her body, it was everyone else that would see her and "suffer" (though I think she's beautiful) so why should she care? And that's so important. At the end of the day, people have better things to than to hum and haw about your hairy (or hairless ) legs. I mean, do you analyse the legs of every stranger you come across? Probably not.

So, bye everyone! Blogtique is still under construction (its mainly the social media buttons etc .) Hope you liked today's post & I'll hopefully see you soon for some 'Summer Wardrobe Wants'.

Bye  mis amigas :)
           – The Blogtique x